Dealing With Difficult People

Sometimes conflict arises from the most unlikely people!

We all dream of a Life Group where each member connects with the group, leader, and curriculum immediately.  However, you may be realizing that sometimes caring for the health of your group means dealing with a difficult person or situation by having a CAREfrontation.  

HAVING A "CAREFRONTATION"
Few of us look forward to confronting others, but the Bible tells us that sometimes confronting a destructive behavior in a person can be the most caring thing that you can do for them (and for your group) because it opens the door for God to move in a way that He couldn't as long as the behavior continued.  That's why we need to view these conversations as CAREfrontations instead of CONfrontations.



You probably need to have a CAREfrontation if a person in your group is... 

• Challenging everything that you say in a way that detracts from the conversation in the group.
• We want people to have the freedom to challenge the leaders point of view, but sometimes a person can challenge the leader so much that it limits the rest of the group members from being able to experience God through the curriculum that the leader is presenting.
• Putting down the ideas, comments, thoughts of you or others in the group in a way that shuts down the conversation.
• Is telling others to believe things that clearly are not taught in the Bible.

Here are some tips designed to guide you, should you find yourself needing to have a CAREfrontation.

1. SET UP A MEETING with the person outside of the Life Group setting. This can be as simple as asking them to come early, or stay after group.  Before the meeting do two things: 1) make sure to pray for the person and the conversation. 2) Make sure that the person signed the Life Group Member Agreement. Being on the same page with the person in terms of group expectations is key for a successful CAREfrontation.
2. COME WITH CHARITABLE EXPECTATIONS (i.e. don't assume the worst).  It's easy to assume that the person hates you, or the group, but the truth is, they could be going through something completely outside of your group which is flavoring the way they're acting in group.
3. IN THE MEETING: Ask a few probing questions: 
1. "Are you enjoying the group so far?"
2. "Have I done anything that has upset of frustrated you?"
4. SHARE YOUR FEELINGS/OBSERVATIONS: Ask the person if you can share with them something that you've observed of the the past few weeks. This opens the door for you to speak into their life.  If they say "yes" you can say:
1. "Last week in group I felt like ________ when you said ___________ to Tom." or "I feel belittled as the leader when you ask questions that seem condescending." (be ready to have an example if they ask for one).
5. TAKE THEM BACK TO THE GROUP AGREEMENT:
1. "One of our goals in this group is to be authentic and to create a safe place for each of the members of the group to experience God. I really value you, and your role in our group, and I want to ask that as we continue to meet together, that you make sure that the things you say are creating a safe place for the rest of our group to encounter God."
6. GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO RESPOND: Ideally they will respond positively to what you are sharing. If this doesn't happen, you will need to contact your coach and they can guide you through some next steps.
7. PRAY

NOTE: I realize this is a general overview of how to have a CAREfrontation. If you have specific questions about how to talk with someone regarding a certain issue that your group is facing. Please make sure to call your coach. Your coach is a fantastic resource as you lead your group.