Deepen Your Understanding As You Lead Others!

As leaders, we're often asked questions that we don't know the answer to. Don't be scared when someone asks you something and you have no idea what to tell them, NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO HAVE TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!  The best thing to say when you don't know the answer is: "I don't know, but I'll do some research and get back to you." Below are some helpful links as you:

• Look for answers to questions that come up in your group. 
• Do your preparation for group each week.

Take some time this week to brows through these sites so that you know where to go when a question comes up that stumps you.


Bible.org
258 theology questions answered by Michael Patton of The Theology Program. This site also has a bunch more resources!

Matthew Henry Commentary
This is a free online commentary of the whole Bible...you can look up answers to passages that puzzle you!

Bible Gateway
Read the Bible in multiple versions, as well as links to commentaries.  Another great use of Bible Gateway is to print out passages for your group, so that everyone can do the Bible study using the same translation.

International Standard Bible Encyclopedia
Search this highly respected encyclopedia to find explanations of every significant word in the Bible.

CCEL
Read hundreds of books from church history for free. Also search the entire library by word.

Dealing With Difficult People

Sometimes conflict arises from the most unlikely people!

We all dream of a Life Group where each member connects with the group, leader, and curriculum immediately.  However, you may be realizing that sometimes caring for the health of your group means dealing with a difficult person or situation by having a CAREfrontation.  

HAVING A "CAREFRONTATION"
Few of us look forward to confronting others, but the Bible tells us that sometimes confronting a destructive behavior in a person can be the most caring thing that you can do for them (and for your group) because it opens the door for God to move in a way that He couldn't as long as the behavior continued.  That's why we need to view these conversations as CAREfrontations instead of CONfrontations.



You probably need to have a CAREfrontation if a person in your group is... 

• Challenging everything that you say in a way that detracts from the conversation in the group.
• We want people to have the freedom to challenge the leaders point of view, but sometimes a person can challenge the leader so much that it limits the rest of the group members from being able to experience God through the curriculum that the leader is presenting.
• Putting down the ideas, comments, thoughts of you or others in the group in a way that shuts down the conversation.
• Is telling others to believe things that clearly are not taught in the Bible.

Here are some tips designed to guide you, should you find yourself needing to have a CAREfrontation.

1. SET UP A MEETING with the person outside of the Life Group setting. This can be as simple as asking them to come early, or stay after group.  Before the meeting do two things: 1) make sure to pray for the person and the conversation. 2) Make sure that the person signed the Life Group Member Agreement. Being on the same page with the person in terms of group expectations is key for a successful CAREfrontation.
2. COME WITH CHARITABLE EXPECTATIONS (i.e. don't assume the worst).  It's easy to assume that the person hates you, or the group, but the truth is, they could be going through something completely outside of your group which is flavoring the way they're acting in group.
3. IN THE MEETING: Ask a few probing questions: 
1. "Are you enjoying the group so far?"
2. "Have I done anything that has upset of frustrated you?"
4. SHARE YOUR FEELINGS/OBSERVATIONS: Ask the person if you can share with them something that you've observed of the the past few weeks. This opens the door for you to speak into their life.  If they say "yes" you can say:
1. "Last week in group I felt like ________ when you said ___________ to Tom." or "I feel belittled as the leader when you ask questions that seem condescending." (be ready to have an example if they ask for one).
5. TAKE THEM BACK TO THE GROUP AGREEMENT:
1. "One of our goals in this group is to be authentic and to create a safe place for each of the members of the group to experience God. I really value you, and your role in our group, and I want to ask that as we continue to meet together, that you make sure that the things you say are creating a safe place for the rest of our group to encounter God."
6. GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO RESPOND: Ideally they will respond positively to what you are sharing. If this doesn't happen, you will need to contact your coach and they can guide you through some next steps.
7. PRAY

NOTE: I realize this is a general overview of how to have a CAREfrontation. If you have specific questions about how to talk with someone regarding a certain issue that your group is facing. Please make sure to call your coach. Your coach is a fantastic resource as you lead your group.

HELP: 15 People Sign Up But Only 5 Showed Up!

I've edited a very helpful article by Allen White 
for this weeks post. (See original article here)

"Where did everyone go..."

Maybe those aren’t the specific numbers that you experienced in your group, but the reality is that it happens to every group at some point. DON'T WORRY... We're here to help!  Here are a couple of keys to riding the attendance roller coaster.

1. It’s not about you.  In the church, community is what we want, yet it’s what we resist the most. People got excited during promo month, so they signed up for your group. Between kids finishing school, Memorial day, and work, life just got in the way. After all, the road to you-know-where is paved with good intentions.  If someone hasn't shown up , don't take it personally, chances are, it's not about you.

2. Keep them on your list. Keep the communication flowing. Email them along with the rest of your group. Give them a call. The call should go something like this: “Hey, I was just wondering about you guys. Is everything okay? I’m not calling as the truant officer. I’m just calling because I care.” Chances are that they won’t slam down the phone after saying, “I don’t want you to care about me.” Who doesn’t want that?

3. Focus on who showed up rather than who didn’t.  My second time leading a group, the attendance regularly fluctuated from 10 people one week to 3 the next.Certain weeks there were only three of us. By the numbers, my group is a disaster. Yet, there are things you can talk about with two that you can’t discuss with eight. Maybe you do the lesson. Maybe you set the lesson aside. Before you start beating yourself or your group members up over low attendance, you need to do a quick check-in with God: “What do You intend for this group meeting? It doesn’t look like what I planned. What have You planned?” His plans are better anyway. So focus on who shows up, but make sure to contact the folks who don't.

4. Remember your Life Group and the ministry of your group are not the same. Some people may never show up for your group. Or, they’ll come once or twice, then you won’t hear from them for a while. Here’s the deal: whether they attend every week or once in a blue moon, they are yours. The group members who meet three out of four times a month are essentially your Life Group. Everyone else is in the “ministry” sphere of your Life Group. There is a reason that God has placed these folks in your life. Keep up with them. Help them when they need help. Pray for them. This is not some clandestine plot to convince them back to the group through your kindness, but it might work. This is your opportunity to love and serve, even if you never get anything in return

In a perfect world, everyone would honor their commitment and show up for every group gathering. But, this is not a perfect world. Here’s the deal: for that no-show on your list, you just might be their only connection to the body of Christ. Their well-being, of course, is not up to you. But, there is a reason that in all of the Life groups in our community, they signed up for yours. God will show you why.

IT'S NEVER TO LATE TO BREAK THE ICE!

 

The only thing worse than breaking the ice by yourself, is never breaking the ice at all! One of the tensions that we face as Life Group leaders is figuring out how to take a group of people (many of whom don't know each other), and help them open up in a way that will  connect them with the group, which will ultimately help connect them with God. 

As we head into our second week of groups I want to encourage you to continue looking for creative ways to break the ice and build those friendships. 

Here's a great Ice Breaker that I used in my group last week. 

Description: Below is a list of 20 questions. Take these questions and print them onto individual slips of paper, then place them in a hat and have each group member pull one of the pieces of paper out of the hat and answer the question on the paper. I gave people the option of putting the question back and picking another one if they didn't to answer the question that they drew.  Remember, we're going for ice breaker not inquisition!

Depending on the size of your group you should probably budget 10-20 minutes for this activity. 

HAPPY RELATIONSHIP BUILDING!

1. What is something you have won and how did you win it?
2. What is something you should throw away but can not?
3. What books have made a big impact on you?
4. What do you take for granted the most?
5. What is your all-time favorite movie and how many times have you seen it?
6. Where is your perfect dream vacation spot?
7. How many bones have you broken? Share the details?
8. When did you get your first traffic ticket? Share the details?
9. If you could go back in time, what year would visit? Why?
10. If you wrote a book about your life, what would it be called?
11. Which is the greater tragedy: an innocent person imprisoned or a guilty person set free?
12. When does the end justify the means?
13. When is OK to lie?
14. When was the last time you said, “It was my fault I am sorry. Explain the situation.
15. What makes you stand to your feet and cheer?
16. What one thing do you wish for more than anything else?
17. What do you think are the most common misconceptions about God?
18. What does “being spiritual” mean to you?
19. When and how often do you pray? What motivates you to pray?
20. What has produced the greatest spiritual growth in your life?

Note: Ice-breakers from “The Complete Book of Questions” by Garry Poole.